More Star Trek geeks and Ham…

Want another way to intermix your fanatical love of Star Trek with your obsession with Ham Radio? Why not enroll in the OFFICER’S RADIO SCHOOL at STARFLEET ACADEMY?

Now, before you ask, le me explain what “Starfleet Academy” is. Aside from being the Starfleet Officer’s School mentioned in Star Trek, it’s also a website that offers Star Trek nerds online courses in various Star Trek-related discipline (and they charge money!!). What better to go with your ill-fitting Starfleet uniform and phaser than a framed master’s degree from the Geordi LaForge School of Warp Propulsion? Well… 10 years of therapy maybe, but that can be expensive in today’s world.

Courses offered at “Starfleet Academy” consist of such asinine streams of study such as “School of Borg Technology”, “Flag Officer’s School” and my personal favourite, “Starfleet Academy College of Medicine”, which offers various medical disciplines for you to become an expert in, including “Xenobiology”. “Dentistry”, “Dermatology”, “HIV/AIDS” (i would have thought AIDS would have been eliminated in the 24th century…) and “Hematology” (By the way, proof of CPR certification is required to enroll in the “Starfleet Field Medic” course – I’m shocked they don’t require EMT certification). Oh, the required source materials for Starfleet Medical include such exteemed syllabi as the “World Book Encyclopedia”, “Star Trek Encyclopedia” and “Various Medical Texts”. What about “Grey’s Anatomy”? Or one of those children’s pop-up books that outline the human body? but seriously, who the hell would spend the money just to get a diploma so they can brag to their Trekgeek friends that they are a “Starfleet-trained Dermatologist”? That’s right, I can cure your Rigellian skin warts. Just let me get my “Ri” volume of the World Book Encyclopedia…..

But – the focus of this article is the “Starfleet Officer’s Radio School” since… well… this *IS* a ham radio site, after all.. It’s not a “Making fun of Star Trek losers with too much time on their hands” site (which I’m sure would do quite well if I wasn’t so damned afraid of Trekkies).

The Starfleet Radio school seems to offer a curiculae based on concepts of traditional radio peppered with make-believe subjects like “Subspace radio” “Starship Communications”, etc. There are three levels of study in which to partake, bachelor’s, master’s and doctorate.

In the Baccalaureate level consists of two courses, “History of 20th and 21st century radio” and “Space Station Communications Permit”. This will entrust you with a Bachelor’s Degree in Starfleet’s radio course.

Those not wishing to be satisfied with an undergraduate’s degree in pretend radio can take their Master’s Level courses. To get your Master’s in Trek Radio, you need to the “Broadcast Radio Exam” and your “Starship Communications Console Operator’s Permit”, just in case you find yourself on a starship and the Captain says “Shit! I need a certified radio console operator, pronto!”.

Those wanting to reach the apex in their field can then go on to get their PhD in space radio. This, of course, consists of question banks stolen from the FCC amateur radio “Volunteer Examination Program’s Question Pool” – except, in a fun twist, questions from the Trek universe will be tossed in. This Starfleet qustion bank will include questions from the Tech, General and Extra question banks. The doctorate course comes with this proviso: “These courses are PRACTICE for the real exams and are intended to stimulate interest in the fascinating world of Amateur Radio. Starfleet International and Starfleet Academy will NOT be issuing Official Licensing Exams, this activity is handled in your local area by Certified Volunteer Examiners.” It’s sad business when the officer School for intergalactic exploration, research and defence is denied the ability to proctor Amateur Radio exams. Get me Admiral Cartright on subspace right away!

Overboard Trek fans are bad enough.. but when they get mixed with ham radio, the result can only lead to nightmares. And paying money for a course that some nerd made up off of the top of his head? I can’t think anything much more gay than that.