Anyone who’s seen the movie “Trekkies” knows EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
While I enjoy watching Star Trek as much as anyone (Enterprise was one of the few shows I used to specifically look for and watch, until it ende in one of the gayest series finales since St. Elsewhere), I shudder when I see the scary lengths that some people have gone to just to be fans of this show. Some form “Starships” among their Trekkie friends, others attend conventions dressed up as their favourite Star Trek aliens while others devote a large part of their lives to learning how to speak fluent Klingon. Klingon is, for some reason, quickly becoming this century’s Esperanto – a totally made-up language that people around the world are using to communicate. Scary, huh?
In any case, I’ll get down to what I’m talking about today. What happens when AMATEUR RADIO geeks meet STAR TREK fans? You get The USS Jurassic (Starfleet registry NCC-3500).
What exactly is the Good Ship Jurassic, you ask? Is it moored somewhere? Can I tour its many decks? Well… you can’t. It doesn’t exist.
You see, whenthree or more Star Trek fans get together, they may choose to form a fan club. And instead of calling themselves the “Hannibal, MO Star Trek Fan Club” or something normal like that, they form a “Starship”. They draw up blueprints, they name their ship, give it an “NCC” registration number. They then assign themselves ranks, according to what they see themselves doing in this supposed Starship. “Hi. I’m Lieutenant Commander Dave… I’m chief engineer on the USS Coaxial.” “Hi, Commander.. umm.. Dave… What exactly are the duties of a Chief Engineer on a starship that doesn’t physically exist?” “Well, I can program the crew’s radios for them. I also fix the warp engine” “What warp engine?” “You just don’t have any imagination”.
The USS Jurassic is no ordinary geek shitp – it’s also a ham radio club. They go to Hamfests and Star Trek conventions and try to recruit members into their scary fold. You climb the hierarchy of the club by earning points for doing certain things – the more points 
you get, the closer you are to getting ‘promoted’. It seems they’ve eliminated the usual “Enlisted” and “Officer” ranks and squished them altogether. I know some people in the Navy that would be rather offended that one can graduate directly from one of the highest enlisted ranks to the absolute lowest officer rank. If I spent 30 years working my way up to a high NCO rank to be then sent down with the 23 year old officer school graduates, I’d be pretty pissed off…. But then again, this *is* outer space, and no one can smell your stink.
In browsing the USS Jurassic’s site I was rather disapointed to find absolutley zero photos of the crew in uniform, even on their “away missions” (visits to hamfests, field days, etc.). The photo gallery isn’t all that breathtaking, just some photos of ham radio guys doing ham radio things. The one thing that struck me was this: These aren’t geeky teenagers doing this, these are GROWN ADULTS, some with children and spouses. The “CO” of the ship is what appears to be a woman in her mid-40’s. That’s what shocked the HELL out of me. Usually you grow out of your Star Trek obsession when you get to your 20’s, when getting a job and car loans and mortgages enter your mind. The only part of the site where you get to see people in bad Starfleet uniforms is the “Division Officers” page (I was a little dissapointed that the “Security” division wasn’t an ARES branch. Probably the one thing funnier than seeing a bunch of ARES guys running around an emergency is seeing them dressed up in Starfleet uniforms, complete with phasers and tricorders.)
But, as I said the best part of the site isn’t the photo album or the ‘ranks’ page… Its the “special projects” page. And man, are they special. It isn’t enough to call a meeting of Star Trek fans a “Starship” and call eachother “Captain” and “Commander”, but they actually go as far as to draw blueprints for their ship…. Even floorplans of decks that don’t exist. I’m sure I’m not the only one that think this is a little… well.. ‘much’.
73’s good buddy… and Live Long and Prosper.
This is why people are afraid to admit that they like watching shows like Star Trek, which I also enjoyed. I also enjoyed the movies. But do I want to dress up as Capt. Picard or whatever? No, I don’t think so…
Exactly – I was REALLY into Next Generation when I was younger… not to the point of attending conventions or starting my own “starship”, but I was a fan. I learned very quickly not to be too vocal about it, though…. The supertrekkies have made it so hard to be a Star Trek fan…
I hated the original series, Voyager and Deep Space Nine, by the way… but I sprung a huge boner for Enterprise… Go figure…
Oh, and the dinosaur paintings on the bottom of the ship is *really* gay…
She’s hot. Sometimes I wish I were still single….
But not this time.
hmm, this was one of the first articles on hamsexy.
Hey Tim… thank you very much for totally blowing it… yeesh.. typical cop..!
yeah, I know.. this was like the 3rd article ever on Hamsexy… but since it got lost when I screwed up the archives, I thought I’d bring it back..
Until Tim *had* to open his big mouth!! Yeesh!
what in the holy batfuck? this is like mixing cotton candy and beer. it’s just sickening. nasty. gross.
to think that grown adults would get into this is beyond imagination.
what a bunch of tards.
yes, i remember the article…. please send it back into the archives. i have to go puke.
Trek is OK. I’ve actually gone to 2 conventions. Met Walter, Q, and one of the space hippies from TOS, can’t recall his name, but he was a popular character actor. I’m too drunk at the moment to google it.
Well excuessssssse me.
What rank amateurs.
First off, that paint scheme is strictly against Federation regs.
Secondly, the Engineering section refers to a “Deuterium” tank. Every starship I ever seen ran on a pure matter and anti-matter reaction regulated by dilithium crystals.
Thirdly, the supposed Engineering section is way too thin to hold the matter/anti-matter containment/storage system, and intermix chamber…
I suggest the authors get “Mr. Scott’s Guide to the Enterprise” and do some heavy research.
Oops…did I just “out” myself??? I think I did.
But that was such a long time ago, and I was so screwed up. Don’t hold it against me…
Thanks for bringing this back for us new guys.
U.S.S. Hamsexy
‘Nough said
Umm, deuterium would be the matter part of that equation.
Back to the Starfleet Academy with you!
Haha… KD5ING beat me to it.. I’ll geekify myself even more:
The matter is indeed deuterium slush (Deuterium is also known as “heavy hydrogen”, and is a stable (non-nuclear) isotope of Hydrogen. If you add a neutron to Hydrogen, you get Deuterium).
The antimatter is antideuterium, consists of antideuteron nucleus (antiproton and antineutron) being orbited by a positron.
There ARE such things as antineutrons…. even though they have no charge, the difference is that the hadron is made up of two antiquarks instead of two quarks.
I’m not sure why know that,
But there are no such thngs as “Dilithium Crystals”, so our dreams of flying faster than light will just have to lie in our minds.. heh
And.. aren’t the Gorn an enemy of the Federation? Why are they exchaning ship technology?
Man, I’m so gay.
I believe some detectives in Canada (and maybe elsewhere) have discovered some sort of link between child molestors and Star Trek….like a lot of busted chomos have been big Star Trek fans.
There have always been some serious weirdos at hamfests and fuck you if you’re offended, if you add Star Trek into that equation, I’m sure the weirdness factor doubles…if not triples.
Poor Pterildactyl… he wants that star soooo badly…
“Umm, deuterium would be the matter part of that equation.”
Crap. I knew I should have stayed awake in advanced particle physics that day…but I was hungover. See, this Vulcan chick brought over a bottle of Romulan Ale to my dorm room the night before…..
Me thinks you guys know a little too much here….
Does this set a record for the most replies ever to a Hamsexy article? Scary!
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