You Say Toe-May-Toe, I Say Tuh-Mah-Toe…..

 Straight from the files of !?!?WTF?!?! In this special southern Hamsexy Strike Team report, we will de discussing proper radio diction while traveling through South Carolina. Most of us aren’t severely challenged enough to the point where we don’t realize that South Carolina is in fact, located in the south. It is arguable as to whether or not South Carolina is the birthplace of the confederacy, but most of us do at least know what happened at Fort Sumter less than one and a half centuries ago. One point that is not arguable is the fact that South Carolina is one of the most beautiful states in these wonderful United States. Even our automobile license plates say ‘Smiling Faces and Beautiful Places’. This is surely not arguable when you consider when you consider our Barrier Islands including Hilton Head, of course to Sassafras Mountain and everything that lies between. This is quite the reason your truly moved here twenty five years ago, leaving the fun and frolic of south Florida and Broward county behind.

 So what in the world is happening in good ol’ Souf Kaliner you might ask yourself? Well, most of you may know by now that the Upstate is the home of BMW (the common acronym for Bubba Made Wheels), with the upgrade of the areas industry to automotive from textiles, the area has drawn many immigrants, not just globally, but from north of the Mason-Dixon line as well. The upstate counties are now The Melting Pot at it’s finest. The problem seems to all boil down to this, South Carolinians don’t seem to have any problem understanding each other, Germans, English, French or even the other immigrants like mid westerners and New Englanders. By the same token, South Carolinian’s modifications to the English language to suit their applications seems to be well understood by all of the afore mentioned foreigners, why hell, even the Yankees understand us. The problem is, now sit down and brace yourselves; the Yankees here can’t understand each other! Hard to believe, you say, others may spring to their feet and proclaim sacrilege, but alas it is sad but true. The Master Race (no not the damned Germans), the high and mighty Yankees can no longer understand what each other are saying… Proof?!?! Of course I have proof, please send the children out of the room before you go any further…

 
 Oh yes, there will be screaming, crying, wailing and gnashing of teeth on the wrong side of the ol’ Mason-Dixon tonight kiddies. Southern doctors working for the New Confederacy are working around the clock to see if this affliction striking Yankees is permanent and or potentially contagious to real human beings (southerners, obviously). I have actually received information that plans to strike and have the nation converted to The Confederate States of America by years end if their inability to understand each other is proven to be permanent or long term.

 In preparation for the rescue of our Hamsexy leaders and brethren, yes, even those in The Great White North, a meeting will be held at Corbitt McGee’s tonight at 7:00pm ET, it is located conveniently right here in the proposed new capital city of The Confederate States of America, Anderson, South Carolina (right behind Nations Bank one half block off of Main Street). Tune in tonight to the Hamsexy Net on VAN-IRLP in the event that there will be late breaking news and if not, be sure to check in with Goober anyway!