Friday, May 14th 2004
Posted by: Purple Zero

ALRIGHT FOLKS!! 'TIS THE SEASON!

The Woodstock of ham radio kicks off today! Thats right, Dayton Ohio is being invaded by North America's finest cuts of pork this weekend for the Dayton Hamfest. Dayton attracts all types, from your casual radio enthusiast and career RF guy to your ARES cop wannabe and the Superhams. Hamsexy is THERE - providing full coverage of the festitivies from our correspondants in the trenches. We'll be publishing their dispatches as we get them. STAY TUNED TO HAMSEXY.COM for all the late breaking, nauseating details!

pZ

Thursday, May 13th 2004
Posted by: Clyde



t3h h4m$3xx0rz h4s 5p0k3n!!!!!!1111

s33 u 4t d4t0n h4mf3$t l4merzzzzz!~~!!!!!!!!1111oneone

Wednesday, May 12th 2004
Posted by: Clyde

Thanks to a young hamfriend who sent us a letter regarding his nomination for HAMPIMP OF THE WEEK. Although he isn't eligible since no photo was supplied (sorry), he did provide the link to his personal website. The object of our friend's letter is "ham humour"... here's his letter to us:

I've been interested in radio since I was in early elementary school, got
licensed a few years ago when I was 17, and had a lot more fun with CB
before I did that. I'm 20 now and have had my ups and way more downs with
ham radio since being licensed, but, the hambones never really seemed to get me to join their ways of thinking when it comes to logic and how to act normal. That probably doesn't really mean shit, but anyways......one of the things I've realized about ham radio operators is that your average ham has a ridiculously retarded sense of humor. Either their jokes range from G-rated America's Funniest Home Videos-type humor to things litered with ham radio jargon that just makes them even more unfunny.

I t has a name... its called "old man humour". Its not their fault really, a person's sense of humour is shaped by what they are exposed to. I doubt many of the younger readers of this list find Red Skelton, Milton berle, etc. very funny.. just as the older guys wouldn't find more comptemporary comedians very funny.

He then goes on to talk about Ham Radio Song Parodies. Now, song parodies - in my opinion - is one of the lowest forms of humor. I've hated Wierd Al since I was small, I never really saw the humour in changing "Virgin" to "Surgeon" - comedic gold I don't get I guess. Calling song parodies humour is kind of like calling paint-by-numbers art. Now.. I bet you think that ham song parodies didn't exist... well, they do. I'll try to collect some more, but as a taste now.. here are a few from our hampimp nominee:

HF's A GENIE IN A BOTTLE (Parody of Genie in a Bottle by Christina Aguilera)
CQ ME BABY ONE MORE TIME (Parody of Hit me Baby One More Time by Britney Spears
I AM A HAM NOT YET AN OLD HAND (Parody of I'm Not A Girl Not Yet A Woman by Britney Spears)

Look... you want a song parody? here.. I'll do one for you right now.

N2CL
(by: Clyde McPhail)
(To the tune of "The Ballad of Curtis Lowe" by Lynrd Skynrd)

Well I used to key repeaters/before the rooster crowed/
Searchin for hammy contacts/to get me QSL.. ohhh.. hooo
Talked to them over the repeater, over on 144/
Then one day, I heard a callsign called N2CL.

CL was a fat man, with white, curly hair/
if he had a bath or not, he did not have a care.
He used to own an old Kenwood/used to key it 'cross his knee/
I'd give old CL my money/he'd CQ all day for me.

(Chorus)
Key me a contact N2CL, N2CL.
Well I got your eatin' money, tune up your Kenwood.
People said he was a ham nerd/them people all were fools/
Cause N2CL was was the finest hamster to ever key the 'wood.

See? That wasn't too tough. Why is Wierd Al a millionaire and I'm not?

But anyhow, this guy's site is fully of similarly embarassingly unfunny content. for the truly brave, it can be found here: http://www.jasonhsu.com/humor.html

Oh... And click here for the absolutley strangest search engine referral that hamsexy's ever had.

Wednesday, May 12th 2004
Posted by: Purple Zero

Hey folks... Here's the recipient for this week's HAMSEXIEST QRZ.COM thread:

WHATS IN YOUR A.R.E.S./R.A.C.E.S. JUMP BAG?
(here: http://www.qrz.com/cgi-bin/ikonboard.cgi?s=40a19819057bffff;act=ST;f=3;t=61423;st=0 )

If the concept of having a 'jump bag' ready to go is a bit strange, you should check out what some of the dudes put IN their bags...

'Tater1337' suggests: Good Knife (to cut wire, strip wire, skin anmials an butcher, self defense)

Did he say SELF DEFENSE? And did he say "Skin & butcher animals?" I mean, most emergency scenes I've worked at (I am an EMT by trade), they offer at least coffee and donuts at the big incidents. I'm not sure that directing traffic at the local Santa parade is that perilous that you need some sort of eapon to guard against your mortal life.

WM5L says he puts "MRE's" in his hampack. MRE's? Does he think he's in the Marines or something? WM5L's post, which strated the thread, is chock full of hamsexy goodness. That's some jump bag he's got there. Looks like he's almost WISHING for some sort of huge disaster to happen (since most ARES guys just do crowd control is parades or other benign duty)

At least this keeps the EmergencyHammers busy. As I said, I have been an EMT for about 15 years, and anytime there's anything close to a large incident the local ARES guys show up out of nowhere. Radios on their belt, vests around their bodies, they show up without being invited, and insist on assisting us. Their hearts are in the right place, but they often get *very* indignant when asked to move aside,or even worse, asked to leave because they aren't needed. They insist that they've got some sort of agreement with the local Sherrif, and that they have some sort of divine right to lend a hand. A few times the incident commanders have had to resort to yelling at them to leave the scene. "LEAVE... NOW!!" They sheepishly leave, only to start an imprompteu crowd control force just outside of the yellow tape. It makes us shake our heads... But at least they have their JUMP PACKS!

Tuesday, May 11th 2004
Posted by: VE4UO
Editor's Note: Hamsexy.com is proud to present first submission in a series of true accounts we call "The Renegade Ham".

A lot can be said about a hammy's callsign. Mine is VE4UO. It stands for Unruly Operator, or so the local ham community in Winnipeg, Manitoba has concluded. How did you choose your callsign? Did you pick it because it matches your initials? Did you go with HAX because you're a 2600 kiddy? Perhaps you chose UDP or TCP because you're an internet guru?

I've had 4 callsigns in my 10-year career as a hammy operator. Iíve been suspended for 18 months in total. My first callsign was VE4SDW. I chose it as it seemed obvious at the time - its my initials. I was a nerdy 15-year-old who decided to go to ham school, and become a hammy. "Wow, I'm a ham radio operator" - I was excited to finally be able to walk in to Radio Shack, and legally purchase an HTX202.

Soon after I purchased the HTX202, I became very irritated. The local hammy repeater had nothing but traffic from old men, talking about their prostrate problems and the weather. There were no other hammyís out there who were my age. At 15, I needed to do something stimulating. My young brain had not been irradiated with excessive amounts of RF just yet.

9th grade was one of the most memorable years Iíve had. I convinced my goofy friend Serge to go out and take the ham test as well. He agreed . His brother Dan was also keen on getting his license. This was anarchy in the works! In December of 1994, we were all radio-active. I decided to ditch the HTX202 in favor of a Kenwood TH22AT. Serge and Dan picked up the TH28A. The first thing we did was seek out the expanded RF modifications so we could interfere with the local taxi companies and put up our own NOAA weather beacon on 162 MHz. We had great fun, but naturally needed to progress on to something a little more creative than issuing fake tornado reports on 162.45 MHz.

A local McDonalds restaurant looked inviting. We'd previously found a VHF frequency in use for the dive-thru headsets. We were smart hammy kids. CTCSS and DTMF tones were our second language. We had the PL tone for the drive-thru nailed within 30 seconds. Can anyone guess how long the fun lasted? 4 months! Eventually, McDonalds had to completely do away with the wireless drive-thru window, and go with a face/face system.

It all came to an end in April 1995, when Serge got busted doing some jamming from his own house. Industry Canada had tracked him down with Doppler equipment, and started knocking on the door. They stopped by my house too. We didnít go to jail. Hell the police didnít even get involved. Our ham licenses were suspended for 6 months, and we were told to grow up. It didnít matter much, we didnít use the ham frequencies to begin with. When you have a radio thatís keypad programmable for 136-174 MHz, you tend to avoid hams all together!

The local hams had witch hunts for us. We had given the local ham community a black eye. Did we care? Not really. These were old men who refused to take their personal hygiene into consideration when showing up at some of the local amateur radio club meetings. Serge and I attended some of them, but only because we wanted to find the frequency they were using for the wireless mic, in hopes we might be able to jam it or have some fun. Hams had given us reason to rebel. None of them were sociable, or knowledgeable with the operation of modern technology. We figured we were doing them a favor by encouraging them to learn techniques such as directional finding, using the search feature on their rigs (required reading the manual), and most importantly, the exercise they could achieve by leaving their basements to go and look for us. Maybe we could improve their health, and theyíd be better people and live longer and happier lives.

Next week: Hams in action looking for Shaun and Serge, in session 2 of how to jam ham repeaters and get away with it. Also featured will be how not to act at an emergency scene, and finally, why ARES is a general nuisance.